Why I Won’t Date You Again

You’re on a date. That’s half the battle. So what can make it go so horribly wrong that you go from the “have potential” bucket to the “you’re a douchebag” bucket? Usually there is critical point when the interest level drops from ‘maybe’ to ‘never’.

Since a little dating 101 is never a bad thing, I’m going to share a few pointers for the bachelors out there.

Here’s to “what not to do…”

Mr. Hide Yo’ Baby Hide Yo’ Wife – If you are married and have a baby on the way, do not lie about your marital status, leave your own baby shower to take me for bento box and then accidentally leave your Skype on for your wife to contact me.

Mr. Alpha male – I get it, you’re dominant. It’s extremely intense and overbearing every time you make a power play to reinforce that you’re in charge. If we’re not even past our amuse-bouche and you keep pawing at me, invading my personal space and ordering me around, I can guarantee we’re not going to make it to dessert.

Mr. Gangster on a Budget – Do not count a wad of cash wrapped in a rubber band while eating at Red Robins. And on that note, why are you taking me to Red Robbins in the first place?!

Mr. Procreator – Do not tell me that you have 5 kids and think I’ll still want to make out with you.

Mr. Sleeze – Do not hit on me all night and then when I’m not looking, hit on my best friend. Girls tell each other everything. We talk…A LOT.

Mr. Sociopath – After you conveniently forgot your wallet at a very expensive restaurant, got caught in a web of lies because you couldn’t keep track of your stories, and then tried to cash in one of my checks, I Googled you. The verdict’s in. You’re a con artist and a fraud. Looks like our next date will be in court.

Mr. Needy – Probably should refrain from telling me you love me the first time we meet.

Mr. Online Creep – On a dating site, do not use any of the following usernames: “SpankYouVeryMuch”, “JuanFever or “Daaa Money”.

Mr. Unemployed – I know these are recessionary times, but dude, do not ask me to hire you. Pitching while flirting isn’t exactly a turn on.

Ok…I think that’s a good start. And unfortunately, yes, all of the above are true stories. Happy dating!

 

15 Comments

  • Reply February 8, 2011

    Anon

    So true, there’s a lot of men who could use some improvement while dating.

    Also, your post reminded me of this article that you might find relevant.

    http://therawness.com/raw-concepts-priority-analysis-and-narcissism-of-small-differences

    • Reply November 6, 2013

      emp

      That Raw Concepts article is talking about a concept also found in a book (can’t recall the author) called “The Five Languages of Love” after my separation my therapist recommended I read it and it was quite the eye opener.

  • Reply October 28, 2013

    Daa Money

    hahahaa..

  • Reply November 5, 2013

    Ken

    People actually do these things? That’s simultaneously sad and terrifying. Mr. Sleeze might just be the word of the lot (in my very biased and personal opinion.).

  • Reply November 13, 2013

    Rose

    I had a guy ask two waitresses to sit down and have shots with “us.” Yes, and I didn’t get up and walk away at that moment – How I regret that lol

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