How to Pick Yourself Up After a Breakup

A few years ago, I went through one of the most trying experiences of my life. I went through a breakup that devastated me to my core, and left me feeling broken and shattered. It was as if my entire reality and beautiful, magical world I tried so hard to create came crashing down. Since I had never experienced such a crippling pain, I was very afraid that the depression and negative thoughts would not end. I felt hopeless and helpless. And of course, when you’re in the thick of it, seeing the holistic picture is not where your mind and ego tend to go. But it took experiencing such an extreme low for me to decide that I was going to use the pain to make me stronger, wiser and healthier.

And I did just that. Fast forward to today, I am exercising, feeding my body with healthy, nutritious foods, surrounding myself with like-minded people, thinking positive thoughts and feeling gratitude and love every single day. I did not get here because I am lucky, or because I am built any stronger or more resilient than others going through the same experience. I got here because I made conscious decisions that steered me on the path of healing and forgiveness.

I think we can all relate on this subject because we have all been there. You would think that as you get older and have more relationships, that the heartaches would get easier to handle. But the reality is, the pain doesn’t lessen with each breakup, it’s just different. And while we cannot avoid the pain, we can choose a healthier recovery. The road to healing is very important so that the emotions are dealt with in a positive way and do not come back to haunt you in your future. Here are a few things that I found that helped me:

Eat Healthy
Some people deal with depression by over-eating, some deal with it by not eating. I fall into the latter category. I had no apetite and basically starved my body of the nutrients it needed. When your body is not getting fed properly with the vitamins and nutrients it needs to survive, your mood, energy and hormones are severely impacted. I found that once I started to eat well, not only did my body feel better, but my emotional state and mind felt better too. Our physical health is directly connected to our emotional and spiritual well-being. When one part is out of sorts, the others will be too.

Surround Yourself with People who Love You
Your natural instinct may be to isolate yourself and sulk in private, but this is probably the worst thing you can do. Community increases your feel-good hormones and studies show that talking can have healing effects. A UCLA study reveals that spending time with close friends causes the brain to release natural opioids, which are like the painkillers found in opium. When you lose the familiarity, daily routine and stability of a relationship, it is important that you surround yourself with people who make you feel safe, loved and cared for.

Allow Yourself to Mourn
Studies show that people who go through a breakup can experience cravings for their ex similarly to the way addicts crave a drug they are withdrawing from. This can lead to intense distress and physiological as well as psychological discomfort. The pain can be consuming, and this can feel shameful. I take pride in the fact that I am a strong, solutions-oriented person, and not being able to just “get over” the pain was very uncomfortable for me. But I realized that everything I was feeling was normal and a part of being human, and learned to embrace the emotions. The emotions have to go somewhere and not releasing them results in it all just coming back in some toxic shape or form later on down the road. Allow yourself to mourn. Allow yourself to cry. After all, tears is just pain leaving the body.

Be the Right One
Many people use a rebound, a quick tryst or another relationship as a distraction. If that works for you, then all the more power to you. However, I think that this method is similar to the effects of putting on a band-aid. You do not heal anything, you just cover it up. Take the time to mourn, to heal, to deal with the issues that have been brought forward from the relationship. A breakup is a great way for you to reflect on yourself, your habits and what you want in life and in your next partner. If you yourself are not the right one, how can you expect to attract the right one? Work on loving yourself and finding yourself again, and the rest of the pieces will fall in place when it is supposed to.

Forgive
Your world can feel like it has turned upside down when suddenly the star of your dreams turns into the villain of your nightmares. I thought my biggest challenge would be to learn how to forgive the man who hurt me. Through time, therapy, writing, and doing things to nurture myself, I learned to have compassion for my ex. With this compassion, I was able to forgive. But forgiving him was surprisingly not the hardest part. Forgiving myself was. I realized that I was very hard on myself and lacked compassion towards my own self.

A slow, long process of getting myself back to a healthy state finally gave me the clarity I needed.  I saw that everything happened the way it was supposed to. I stopped blaming myself and forgave myself, realizing that my life was going according to plan. Forgiveness is a gift that you give yourself. When you finally let the blame and anger go, and see that everything is perfect just the way it is, you’ll feel a big weight lift off your shoulders.

Appreciate
Gratitude is one of the most powerful feelings that can transform the way in which you view reality. Even when you feel like you’ve lost someone in your life, if you look around you – you’ll notice how much wealth you have. When your mind keeps repeating negative thoughts, you have to put effort into changing that habit of thinking. Try writing down what you’re grateful for every day and you’ll find that suddenly, you start noticing things to be appreciative of that you’d normally take for granted. There is so much beauty and love that surrounds us, we just have to be open to noticing it. Be grateful for your experiences, the lessons learned and the people that come in and out of your life that help you grow stronger. They’re just preparing you for the person you are meant to be with, and the person you are meant to become.

And, if none of these tips work, try to remember one thing: “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”

Photo credit: Carolyn Emily

58 Comments

  • Reply June 14, 2014

    kenneth Laura

    After been in relationship with a guy for 3 years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that don’t believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I meant a spell caster called Dr, Aduwawa and I email him, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: (aduwawaspiritualtemple@yahoo. com) or you can call him on +2348112019701, you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR.

  • Reply July 8, 2014

    Andrea Ramsay

    My name is Andrea Ramsay from USA My boyfriend and I were happy as far as I could tell and I never thought that we would break up. When his cousin died in a tragic car accident he went back to Philippine for a week to be with his family. I could not go because I was in the middle of entertaining out of town clients for work. He did not seem to be upset that I could not go so I let him be. The next thing that I know, he reconnected with an old friend from high school that he had a crush on years ago and they started to have an affair! I had no clue what was going on until a month after he came back from Philippine.He proceeded to see both her and I until I caught him testing her one night. I confronted him and he told me the truth about what happened. We broke up and went our separate ways. Neither of us fought for our relationship. I was angry and decided not to be upset about it and just keep it moving. Then after about a month of not speaking to him I became sad. I wanted him to tell me that he wanted to be with me and not her. I contacted Dr OGUNBO for a love spell and he totally helped me! he was able to get him to miss me to where he wanted to get back together again. He had a lot of regrets and felt bad for not fighting to keep me and for cheating in general. He values our relationship so much more now and we are together now!

  • Reply September 10, 2014

    naz

    my name is naz I’ve been in a relationship since i was 14 I’m 19 now i just don’t know what to do. I’ve been with the guy long enough we had our ups and downs but it has never been this bad… we didn’t even have a problem in ages. i thought he was gna be the guy that i marry. but he broke up with me because he had a drunken kiss, that was going to lead to something else… i didn’t even know about it until i asked him the question randomly, his scared it might happen agin in the future. i know he got other problems to solve with his family/debts. all i ever did was help and he chucks it in my face.

  • Reply November 3, 2014

    Lynn

    This article really is helping me. My boyfriend of a year decided he didn’t want to fight for our relationship after I found out he was cheating on me. I never been hurt this bad before. The pain I feel is indescribable. I lost my best friend and I don’t know how to accept this and move on. I’m a good person and I feel so foolish and weak. I still hang on to hope and that’s why I can’t move forward.

  • Reply November 17, 2014

    Leonard Harvey

    Anyone who has been in an off and on relationship can tell how frustrating it is. Most especially when you love them so much like they know you so well to know that no matter the circumstance in which the break up is based on, you are always gonna make up and start from a fresh page with them. Almost like you can not do without them and your life revolves round them which is literally speaking true. My relationship with my boyfriend was one such off and on thing only that he was the one who constantly kept breaking my heart and each time i kept crawling back to him like i had no life aside from that i shared with him. We started dating backing in 2010 and from 2010 to late 2013 he played with my heart knowing i was always gonna come back to him. He knew he could break up with me to date other guys he feels like and at the end of the day come back asking for a second chance and believe me it was always a second chance to me. It was either he wants to date another guys or he’s telling me that he is not sure he can be in a relationship with apparently cos he needed to find out what he wants in life and discover who he is. Most people asked why didn’t i just move on and find someone who was more worthy of my love. Yes i should have done just that but i can give a thousand reason why i always go back to him at the end of this entire text it will fall back to this that “I LOVE HIM WITH MY LIFE”. I could not see my whole life without him in it so basically i was a fool in love. No matter how i convince myself to hate him and make him suffer for all he did to me it was impossible for me to accomplish. It was like he had something over him that always drew me back to him no matter what the condition might be. I was in pain. It hurt me down to my soul hat he was so indecisive about what he wanted for us all those time. For about 2 years and 8 months i was literally his bitch that he does what he like to and dispose. I really didn’t know if he did all he did on purpose or f it was as a result of his indecisive nature. What ever it was i didn’t like cos all i wanted was to spend the rest of my life with him. Blame me or don’t on the basis of stupidity what’s done is done i contacted a spell caster to help get him in the path i wanted for us. I did this early this year. I was not going to say anything until i was sure that what Metodo Acamu did was for real. I was not going to start misleading people to do what does not exist. I can tell you without now doubt that the spell worked for me and also i have seen a couple of comment Online about Metodo Acamu it is obvious that all he does is make people lives better in every way and bring people out from what ever hellhole they where in. I should tell you that he is one of the only few if not the only one true spell caster that can help you out in any condition. Not cos i saw a couple of comments Online like that of Nicholas Zachary but because all these comments were written by real life people who have gone and seen the authenticity of Metodo Acamu. I asked Metodo Acamu to put my boyfriend in the right path i wanted for the two of us, to help kill that indecisive nature he had in him to make him mine and mine only forever. You should all know he did just that for me and the spell he cast changed our lives in ways you can’t imagine and the best part is that he didn’t take i single pound from me. I only gave him something out of my discretion as a sign of gratefulness for what he did for me. However Metodo Acamu asked me to get some materials which we used for the spell casting process. I will be opened with you all at first, i thought he wanted to use the required materials as a medium to get money form me but it turned out that he made it clear to me that without those materials it will me impose to do any spell just like cooking without food stuff. Even then he told me to either get the materials to temple by myself or parcel it over to him or to send him the money to get the materials for me if i can’t find them. I had to send the money to him cos it was even more less expensive that way. You should also know he is trust worthy you can trust him with anything. Here is his personal contact got it Online when i contacted him thought i should also leave it here maybe for those who need to contact Metodo Acam {metodoacamufortressx at yahoo dot com}

  • Reply November 25, 2014

    angel

    fuck off and move on.. don’t be emotional fools

    • Amy C
      Reply November 26, 2014

      Amy C

      Really? That’s a pretty ignorant comment.

      • Reply March 18, 2015

        vincent

        I think it really ignorant. But also fill with anger and resentment toward something or someone ?

  • Reply January 27, 2015

    Claudia

    Thank you for this article. I really needed to read these words. This hurts so much , the heart physically hurts… I will try to put into practice the things to did to help your self.

    • Reply October 4, 2017

      Renee

      If you don’t mind me asking how did u get passed this? Im going through it now. 13 year marriage just gone. Any advice would be appreciated especially and this point where it’s just been a few days since The Break-Up.

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  • Reply March 18, 2015

    vincent

    Thanks for the article. It help to know that their is hope. I love a girl so much and I was blinded by it.

    I beat myself up about it and keep trying to see where I went wrong. Also pray God to make her call me again and I feel hopeless. I thought she was the one. I’m fed up with my insecurity and not knowing if I ever will feel mutual love one day ???

  • Reply May 31, 2015

    waliya

    Yes this article is very useful someone I deeply luv him n mad about him every moment but he show his attitude n left me with happiness at time of break I blame myself n thought I was wrong but now I realised I was not..everything became fine for me till now..becoz I luv hint to study about present world fact..Life is beautiful n amazing..I enjoy it now..with hapiness

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