Recently I went to a restaurant and the guys sitting next to me were secretly swapping watches, so that the one guy could impress a girl he had met at the bar with his friend’s Rolex. I’ve seen grown men borrow fancy, excessive cars in order to appear richer and more successful. I’ve witnessed people put on the most spotless show to the public eye, only to retreat into lonely, ashamed, substance-abusing beings in private. I see people often pretending to be something they are not.
In a world of Facebook, where we see a constant stream of our ”friends” lives – from their latest vacations, Ferrarris, bottle service in Vegas, to ultrasounds – we see the image people carefully craft. Because it’s online, the ability to pick and choose this image is easy.
Every status update, photo, boast and tweet – is chosen to present to the world the type of person we want everyone to think that we are. There is nothing wrong with this. However, it’s common for people to pose to be something that they really aren’t. I don’t know if social media is to blame for the lack of authenticity that is running rampant online. Regardless, I want to call it out. To the people busy posing out there, here’s my note to you:
Please. Be you. Nobody who really matters cares about the image of the perfect, rich, successful, party perusing, popular, celebrity acquainted person you are trying to craft. People who matter – they care about your kindness, your compassion, your consistency, your love, your attitude and your values. People who matter see through the other stuff and know it is just a mask to hide your insecurity. Fancy “things” do not add to you as a person. They are fine to enjoy, but just know that they don’t make you any better, more loveable, and definitely not any cooler. Are there people who gravitate to that stuff? Of course. But is that the audience and company you really care to keep? I’ll repeat a quote my sister once told me, “Only impressionable people are impressed.” It’s as if there is a big circle of impressionable people constantly seeking validation trying to impress everyone else.I have a lot of respect for people who have the courage to be raw, authentic, honest and… imperfect. Because as human beings – we naturally come with vulnerability, flaws, fears and complex emotions. That is what makes us beautiful. That is what enables us to connect and bond. When we try to mask our basic humanness and cover it up with superficial visages, we lie. We put forth a self that we think everyone wants us to be, when really, people just want you to be at ease with who you already are. Can we all stop posing now so we can really connect? In the words of the the one and only Dr. Seuss, it’s important to remember the 3 things to give up to be happy.
3 Things To Give Up To Be Happy
Wow. First thought is, “get nicer friends, Amy…”
I don’t know anyone who would put on a Rolex or rent a Ferrari to impress a girl. That’s lame. Posturing I do see online is, “look at my trendy, good-looking friends” but it’s usually the real thing, in that those are actually their friends. Nobody in my feeds is attempting to look richer, sexier or more exciting than they actually are, and it might sound harsh but “unfriend those idiots” comes to mind. Bad energy 🙂 Comparing our insides to other people’s outsides leaves us with only a couple of choices, both bad. Either we judge/resent their level of authenticity, or worry how we come off in comparison.
As for how much “crafting” of social media profiles feels right, it’s perfectly fine to put your best foot forward. As long as it isn’t someone else’s foot, I guess?
Hi Chris,
Thank you for reading. I completely agree with your point: “Comparing our insides to other people’s outsides leaves us with only a couple of choices, both bad. Either we judge/resent their level of authenticity, or worry how we come off in comparison.”
You seem like quite the writer yourself!
Amy
This is such a great post, and followed up with one of my favorite quotes. Authenticity is something that isn’t addressed as much as it should be. We are influenced in so many ways by the people we surround ourselves with and the media. Living in Yaletown I see a lot of people trying to be something they’re not on a fairly regular basis(okay everyday). As far as Facebook or other social media I try to only associate with people who are 1-Real, true to themselves. 2-Will actually have a positive influence on my life. I don’t think its that selfish to avoid people like this online and in person. There’s a really good book by Darren Hardy called “The Compound Effect” and it talks about how important it is to control who you habitually associate with and how much they actually influence you(as much as 95% of your success and failure in life). Anyways great work, I look forward to reading more Amy!
To say the least, says the most of a person. I am proponent that nothing can stay shiny forever, once the lustre is gone that’s when the true self is revealed. In dating this takes time to see what is beneath that sheen, but it’s always worth the wait. Great post!